here's what i wrote on the flight from london:
marks the end of yet another adventure. i miss traveling, though i must say, i don't like flying too much these days. it's mostly trying to sleep in an upright position - which means it's gonna be harder to travel if i can't fly. =(
glad to see qz doing pretty well. 16 years of friendship! and many more to come, I'm sure. at some point in our conversations, she asked if i noticed any changes in her. i think i used to ask people such things when i was younger and somehow, didn't get good responses and usually offended them. anyway, she said i had previously said she hadn't change much from the time we knew each other in sec school. i still think she hasn't. mostly changes in perspectives and thinking - more family oriented. but nothing character wise. she used phrases i still to say, which were kinda weird, given i no longer say them anymore. at the same time though, i felt time had stopped where we were, years ago, and picked up again when we met. here are 2 of them off the top of my head...
老黄卖瓜，自卖自挎 (self-praise is no praise but self-disgrace)
fine. (other person:) how much?
i didn't dare to ask about changes in me. I think i'm still not very family oriented. at least towards my parents and in-laws. no change there. =| she did said she was surprised by some of my current perspectives. maybe after 2 schools with 2 close colleagues, i've learned to love lgbts as they are. have i become more tolerable? should i be like this?
help me love what He loves, and feel what He feels
oh Lord, make me more like You
i guess therein lies one of the root differences i have with didi. i shared that things didn't end on a good note when my family visited last dec. qz told me we're still siblings and that i should give in. i still felt tension and stressed when i talked about it but i listened to her and whatsapped didi to say hi on easter. he was at a church retreat. it seemed good. i suppose any broken rlshp that needs mending will take time and effort. am i strong enough to do so?
watched les mis on the flight into LA. pretty touching. i LOVED the songs. every single one of it. makes me wanna break out to songs to speak. haha. i recall moments of the play sr was in and think about how JO plans to incorporate that to his sermon in may. i'm interested to join the choir, but i'm not quite sure if i'm cut out to sing, plus love doesn't remember the email addr that one would need to email to enquire further. =( i've asked kc and she said it sounded fun (i plan to ask cs) but well, not sure if any of this would go beyond just thinking and blogging..
i don't really know what or how to think of life these days. it is not really all meaningless nor a chasing of the wind. yet, there are aspects that probably could be better. not sure if i'm ready to start my own family. do i still want kids? i think so. qz asked how many? i dunno. it'll depend on my experience with my first pregnancy - if that happens. will that change how things are these days? maybe. i suppose we're blessed with sufficient funds. trying for kids when it isn't the easiest thing in the world is kinda expensive. not many people will understand or appreciate this. i will have to learn to remember that the "it" i'd ever need is jesus.. and that if all of life is cruel and a joke, at the very least, my hope is that i'd survive to the end to be laughing with it.
trying hard to sleep but somehow my mind is racing. looking forward to my comfy bed...!
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