upset.

frankly, maybe i shldnt be. i dont really know.

HOD came in btwn my 6th and last period. she asked if i had a minute to spare. obviously cannot say no right? but yah, i didnt have anyth so i said, sure, np. little did i know that would upset my entire day from that point... =|

anyhows, one of my students' hse got burnt down last week. the family lost their home and most of their belongings. this was mon. i saw the email from her guidance counselor at night. along the way, it just slipped my mind to get a new textbook for her. she's often not paying attn, often not doing her homework, often not bringing her textbook to sch (i asked once and she said she left it in her locker) so i guess i was used to her not having a textbook on her desk. matter of fact, couple of the students dont bring their tbk home, nor their tbk to class. anyhow, it shouldnt be my excuse.

HOD said i had told the student off about dressing in pyjamas. sch has a policy disallowing that as you are "not dressed professionally for the occasion" - in this case sch or education. this student has dressed in pj's before and i remb distinctly talking to her abt it before. HOD said i was insensitive and inappropriate to be telling her off since she has nothing left and thus has to be dressed in pj's. eh. that was BEFORE her hse was burnt down. i'm pretty sure of that. but how can i prove myself? i was just looking stunned. bewildered that such an incident got to my HOD. i asked and HOD said the girl told another adult. granted that i might be the teacher she doesnt necessarily like, i felt though, that that other adult shld confront me directly, and not talk to my HOD. right?

sigh. the sch's budget's not looking well again this year. the district on the whole has a 53million deficit. even after all the schs cut the allocated cuts, that will only account for 18% of this deficit. where would the other 82% come from? that's a HUGE unknown. principal said the cut our sch's gonna suffer is 4 positions' cut. 1 librarian and 3 teachers. these 3 will be from the classics/modern foreign lang/history/english dept. math and science is already running at full capacity. do i have any reasons to worry? yes and no. yes, i would need my work visa to be renewed in 2011. yes, i'm a junior teacher who hasn't received permanency - chances of getting kicked out by a more senior teacher with more experience from another sch that might be closed or positions cut.. no is obvious. i have a God who's bigger than everything else. i'm suppose to trust Him totally. key word: total. He delivered me once; what's another time?

i feel a little too ready to throw in the towel. emotions running high. i'm not perfect, but trust me when i say i try...