i wonder.. and i wonder.. *thinking cap on* have i been the most selfish person on planet earth? gosh, to think 'most'.. am i trying to be the best, yet again?
sometimes i think my relationship with christian is like a love-hate relationship. at times i view him as a little brother.. helpless but loving; at other times, so dependent, so mind-draining. he left for boston on sat and has left for indonesia yesterday. perhaps it's too early to miss him but i daresay love and i had a good time this weekend. going slow and watching lots of dvds and reading books.
sometimes i think my relationship with others is 'painful' too. knowing and understand someone takes time. knowing != understanding; understanding != knowing. (!= is 'not equal' in computer language) i've made some bad decisions in the past (shall not blame my youth) and even now. i burst out at wrong times, i say the wrong things. good friends are made distanced coz of my actions and each outburst did not help further. my mum is another e.g. of a love-hate rlshp sometimes. i think i know i love her.. but she gets on my nerves sometimes. i think i know no one is perfect. but what i ask is beyond her a lot of the times.. my mum says i'm insensitive, kind-hearted but insensitive. am i? is 'love-hate' too strong words?
i-robot. not sure if anyone rembs the movie. "ask the right questions" that is something i take with me at times when i feel like everything is so unknown. how can it be, that You my King would die for me? it's hard at times.. and esp when i see my friends who have yet to know Jesus.. my heart cries out. it must just be even harder for them, to not know the Savior of this world. i just want the world to be a nicer place to live in.. am i too selfish?
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